Well guys, guess this is my last post for
the foreseeable future—a few days later than intended because we’ve been packing and moving things into the new apartment. So here’s how graduation went…
My parents, brother, and maternal aunt and uncle came into town! It was really good to see them. I didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time with them, or get any graduation photos (which actually made me sort of unhappy), but I stayed in the hotel with them and I took my brother on a full campus tour one night. My family’s a little trying to be around—they’re super high-strung and I swear they get more anxious every time I see them again. Also, they’re a bit better at using my name and avoiding role titles (like daughter) with me, but pronouns are still female. Sighs. Work in progress. (Best moment—when I exasperatedly Snapchatted my frustration and the Boy and his brother replied with a ridiculously bro-y pose and “But you’re the man!!”)
Ah yes. So. The Boy. Bet you were going to ask…Well, I guess I can just say—things are good :) Very good. Platonic, but it’s okay. A few nights before graduation, our college hosted a big party on the freshman commons for all the seniors. I would have met up with him then, but he got there just as I had to leave. I sort of sadly asked him if I’d see him at graduation, and he was like, “Obviously! We’re doing a shot in my room beforehand.” And I’m like, wait what? I thought it was hair him being a but drunk and making an offer he wouldn’t remember but then sure enough, the next night, he was Snapchatting me and very insistently invited me over on graduation morning. Gave me the code to his frat house and everything. So the next morning I got up early, had breakfast with my family, and walked over.
It was sort of a ridiculous morning. I got myself into the frat house, went upstairs, and called him. Good thing I did—he was hungover and probably wouldn’t have woken up in time for commencement! But he seemed happy to see me, and had me come inside. And that, my friends, is how my last morning of undergraduate school I ended up sitting on a futon while a 4/5 naked frat bro went about his morning routine around me while listening to Iggy Azalea and Far East Movement. I didn’t know where to put my eyes so I just looked at my phone a lot. I did help him pick out his tie, and met his brother in person finally, and we walked to the commencement location together. We ended up not doing a shot because we realized it would be a terrible life decision.
After the ceremonies I was a bit emotional. Think maybe a lot of people were. My family knew I was signing a lease that afternoon so they left almost immediately after hearing my name called to get lunch (which bothered me a bit because they didn’t even attempt to get photos with me…oh well). So I was able to move quickly under my own speed and turn in my regalia. Was about to go grab some champagne and head out to where I knew my roommate would be waiting in maybe half an hour, and I started walking in that direction a few times, but…I stopped. I asked the boy by text if I could come say goodbye, and he said yes of course. And…it was nice. He hugged me a lot, and then he persuaded me to come inside and meet his family. (Apparently they liked me, and had a conversation about me later, and were all reading me as male…I dunno, it made me feel kind of—wanted? I guess?) And we talked a bit, and he said if I was still around after champagne he’d call me and they’d come meet me there. (That didn’t end up happening because I had to leave too fast, but I sort of expected it.) And we just…hugged again, and smiled. And it was…warm. It was the warmest feeling. Like, I had no doubt in that moment that we both had the kindest regard for each other, and liked being part of the same life with each other. It was a strange, unprecedented feeling. I know we aren’t dating or anything like that, and I know I won’t see him for at least a year. But…it felt like a beginning, not an ending. So it was only a little bittersweet as I waved and walked away.
The rest of the aftermath was like that too. I got champagne and ran into a lot of friends, and we all hugged it out. I even ran into the Boy from last semester, and you know what? That was good too. We hugged, and smiled, and shook hands, and I felt like we had just this moment of profound respect for each other, and again—that feeling like we were glad to be in each other’s lives. The whole afternoon felt like that, honestly. All of us are setting out on these journeys in what are probably different directions, but it felt less sad than it should have. It was like—we’re all tied together by what we’ve lived and felt together, and even if we were never to see each other again we’d still be connected. And I’m sure part of it was being drunk on champagne, but I spent the rest of the day deliriously happy—happy to be alive, and part of what I am. It was good.
Well. I suppose that’s it, then. This story is the end, for the foreseeable future, of my blog. I’m not deleting it, but I’m taking the app off my phone and doing other things (like work) with my life. May be on again eventually but not now, and I won’t be reblogging things or making new posts. I encourage you to message me on other social media if you have that contact information. A few finishing points:
1) Don’t feel like you are beholden to anyone. Social pressure can be either a valuable or a vicious thing; don’t be afraid to say “no” to people even when they try to say you’re a terrible person if you don’t. (Reblogging things, for instance.) Decisions should be made from your own conscience.
2) Listen to people. REALLY listen, even to people you don’t think you have anything in common with.
3) Learn the difference between “I am allowed to/should have the right to” and “it would be productive to do this”.
4) Remember that probably a large portion of arguments and internet fights are at least started by a difference in the way the various parties understand/use the terminologies involved. Clarify your premises and THEN fight if you still need to.
5) Groupthink is the enemy even if it feels good. Perhaps especially then.
6) You are worth something. Take care of yourselves.
Well. Farewell, folks. Until later.